I wanted to get some time to myself. The missus said one of her workmates has a kitten. An opportunity, I thought. How it represented an opportunity was something I could think about after that thought.
Then the missus added that her workmate had invited us all round to see the kitten, to show to our daughter. We would have to arrange a visit the missus said. Not really, I said. You could just turn up and if she's not in, break a window to gain entry. I'm sure it would be OK. It's not like the kitten's going anywhere. They have to stay in before they get all their injections. Anyone who's watched Animal Hospital with Rolf Harris knows that, especially Rolf Harris if he remembers that episode and he was listening properly while he was doing the interview. If the workmate then comes back and doesn't like the smashed window side of things you could just get the right side of her again by saying 'oh, you have a very nice kitten. Very nice, actually (reinforce the message - the 'actually' bit tagged on sounds like you're qualifying the remark)' - even if you don't mean it and you hate it.
Trouble is, though, the missus rings up the workmate anyway and the workmate says she's ill. She's really sorry, but she doesn't want to pass on her flu to our daughter. I said ring her up again, say you've thought about what she said about being ill and everything that that entails, so you should get yourself down the hospital. Get yourself checked out. You're then expressing compassion and asking, while she's out, for her to leave the key under the mat.
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